


I, cry, when angels deserve to die

by 21freys



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, VENT FIC!!!, Visual Hallucinations, aural hallucinations, hallucination, i guess?, i think thats most of it, its not really written well, literally just ignore this its not quite angst its not quite sad, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:45:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8900023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21freys/pseuds/21freys
Summary: The shadows on the wall were dancing and whispering again. (title from Chop Suey! by system of a down)





	

The shadows on the wall were dancing and whispering again. He’d been trying to ignore them for days. He mentioned the screaming and whispering to his mother but she told him it was just his brain talking to him and he just had to stop being so negative. He didn’t tell her about the mirror. It moved by itself, sometimes he watched his hair grow back to its original length, the length that made him look like someone he wasn’t. Other times it just smiled at him in that creepy way that only mirrors do.

 

That wasn’t the worst part though, the worst part was _her_ he didn’t know who she was he called her blurry, sometimes she was one of the shadows on the wall, dancing and swaying with the music constantly inside his head, sometimes she was behind him, whispering what he was doing wrong, telling him to end it all. Tyler ignored her mostly until he actually did something wrong and then she latched onto it, wiggled through any defenses he had till he was screaming and begging her to stop, please stop. His only safe place was Josh.

 

He never told josh about everything, he didn’t want to scare him away, Josh was his safe place, the person he could stay with and things wouldn’t be as bad for a while. Until Josh left and then he was left with an empty feeling in his heart and left to the whispers of people he knows aren’t really there. Tyler tried drawing his mind once but it made him look so stupid and feel so foolish for even believing anything of what he saw that he burnt it whilst burning his lungs. He’d taken up smoking and drinking to help cope, it never really quieted his head down but if he drank enough he wouldn’t remember what hed done or what had been said in the morning. As for smoking, it calmed them and him and he liked that.

 

Tyler had written a song recently but he was too scared to show it to anyone, he tried showing it to josh but it didn’t go through and he was grateful because it was too much, too personal. Too much pain at the feeling of a god that allowed him to lose his goddamn mind, of a god that let him pray nearly every day and never answered no matter how much he begged. Tyler had given up on god or so he told himself but it never took the pain away or the constant urge to pray forgiveness for who he was. Tyler didn’t know what to do, he’d only just got our of hospital, the doctors had upped his meds but he couldn’t tell them everything. The shadows on the walls were his and his alone, he couldn’t have his mother look at him any more uncomfortably or his father be unable to understand and just repeatedly say “I wish I could do something to help”

 

Tyler was scared. The sound track in his head was to that of a tune he couldn’t quite hear or recognize, but they heard it, especially at night when he chased sleep, they heard it and one by one they appeared to claim the music as their own, his own personal demons for the whole world to see. Tyler tried writing them to make them go away but the more he wrote the more he ran out of ways to keep them at bay. Sometimes they were there but he couldn’t hear them, couldn’t understand them, sometimes they screamed but although he could see them, their voices came from inside his head. Blurry whispering, shadows dancing and taunting, other voices old friends he’s known for a long time, trying to tell him what he sees isn’t real. He knows its not real, but he doesn’t know how to make it go away. Tyler was scared, the shadows were dancing, he knew dreams were often better than real life, even if his parents would yell at him for sleeping during the day, and so, in his blood soaked clothes, Tyler lay down and let the comfort of sleep take him and quiet the voices for just a few hours.


End file.
